RECENTLY, A FRIEND PROCURED a bottle of absinthe from a foreign country. It sat in his car, unopened, for more than a month. After all, absinthe is illegal in America. It’s rumored to have caused Van Gogh to cut off his ear and likely inspired the writings of Edgar Allan Poe. This isn’t the sort of stuff you want to take lightly.
When he finally tried it, he left the following voice mail: “Hey man. You have to come get me. I just took apart an Atari. I understand everything.”

Now you can, too. Three Ohio State grads recently announced plans to sell a modified version of the drink in Cleveland. “four” is the name of a malt liquor they’ve created which contains wormwood, an important ingredient in absinthe. If that wasn’t enough, four also contains guarana (to combat hangovers), caffeine (to counteract the depressive qualities of alcohol), and taurine (to speed up the body’s metabolic processes). It seems that the young entrepreneurs have gotten around federal regulations that bar absinthe by discovering a way to keep thujone — the chemical in absinthe that’s said to cause hallucinations — within acceptable limits.

As a public service, we chased the green fairy. four is red, not green like traditional absinthe, with a frothy pink head. It tastes something like a melted rocket pop, with a slight Red Bull-ish aftertaste, though less bitter.

As advertised, four has a unique type of buzz. Your head stays mostly clear. It’s your body, especially the extremities, which feel tingly and inebriated. Usually, after a couple beers, we want to veg. But on four, the urge to play video games was overwhelming. There’s also a definite aphrodisiac effect.

Additional info and sexy pictures can be found at www.drinkfour.com. Tell the green fairy we said hi.

— James Renner

AIN’T NO FORTUNATE SON … This Saturday, Case Western’s Film Society presents a night of low-budget, locally produced movies at Strosacker Auditorium. Such films are generally of the somebody-stab-me-in-the-eye-I’m-so-bored variety, recommended only for friends and family of the out-of-work director.

One exception is Born Lucky. Filmmaker Shahin Afran, who’s of Iranian heritage, lived mostly in England before moving to the Cleveland area. In 2003, while her family still resided in London, her son joined Britain’s Royal Air Force and was deployed to Iraq to serve in a fire brigade. Born Lucky is the edited footage of Afran’s home videos during the 48 hours leading up to her son’s departure.

Afran uses a combination of still images and slow-motion special effects to emphasize her son’s growing apprehension as the hours tick away. Like many, he joined the military because he seemed to have no better career options. But what’s the point if he dies over there?

At 50 minutes, Born Lucky weighs in as one of the longer programs of Case Western’s local collection. It’s also one of the most engaging. Tickets are $3 at the door. Showtime is 7:45.

— James Renner

THE JESUS AND KENNY CHAIN … Last week, a group of 31 Ohio pastors filed a complaint with the IRS that the Revs. Rod Parsley, of the World Harvest Church, Center for Moral Clarity and Reformation Ohio, and Russell Johnson, of Fairfield Christian Church and the Ohio Restoration Project, were getting too cozy with Secretary of State and gubernatorial candidate Ken Blackwell.

Among the charges: shilling only for Blackwell and pushing biased voter-education materials, in violation of the IRS’s rules against political activity by nonprofits.

Predictably, Parsley and Johnson foamed at the mouth over a “secular jihad against expressions of faith.” And showing just what kind of governor he’d be, Blackwell egged them on.

“You tell those 31 bullies that you aren’t about to be whupped,” Blackwell told conservative religious leaders three days later, according to the Columbus Dispatch. “Political and social and cultural forces are trying to run God out of the public square.”
Tough talk, but not exactly a bold move. If the IRS were to determine that Parsley and Johnson’s politicking crossed the line, their churches could lose their tax-exempt status. Blackwell would lose … well, nothing. There are no penalties for benefiting from such actions. In this realm, anyway.

— Charu Gupta

BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO ACT NOW, FOR THEY ALSO SHALL RECEIVE THIS STUNNING SWORD … “This past August, I reported that Pastor Rod [Parsley] was raising cash for holy war — I mean, relief work — in Sudan by offering an actual 27-inch sword, in exchange for a gift of $54 or more. Now, Pastor Rod’s got a whole new sword to sell. And this one’s ten inches longer, with a blade of steel and a ‘gold-colored metal’ handle inscribed with the cross. It’s the ‘SWORD OF THE KING,’ promises Pastor Rod. Just like the one Christ didn’t carry? Even better. This ‘beautifully crafted’ blade, writes Rod, is a ‘replica’ of King Arthur’s. As in Excaliber, the magic sword Merlin told him to pull out of a stone. Sound like kid’s stuff? No way. Who’s going to tell a man packing 37 awesome inches of hard steel that he’s lost in a fairy tale? … You get the whole package — magic sword, mount, delusions of potency — for only $41 dollars and ten cents. … That’s almost thirteen dollars less for ten more powerful inches of Christian manhood … You don’t even have to bother with those starving Africans, who’ve vanished from Pastor Rod’s advertisng. This come-on’s about you, and how you can turn 2006 into a ‘year of NO FEAR.’ Send your money directly to Pastor Rod and get your new sword now. No one will ever kick sand in your face again!”

— A recent post on TheRevealer.org, by Jeff Sharlet

SPIES LIKE US … Call it division of labor, but the Department of Defense isn’t supposed to spy on U.S. citizens. At a press conference Tuesday, the American Civil Liberties Union announced an investigation into two incidents of exactly that, right here in Northeast Ohio.

The New York Times originally broke news of a DOD database listing occasions of domestic spying, including a Northeast Ohio Antiwar Coalition planning meeting in November ’04 and a peace march last March. The DOD database categorized both events as “threats.” The case of the peace march is listed as “open/unresolved.”

Greg Coleridge of the American Friends Services Committee called it “chilling, intimidating, and outrageous.”
The ACLU has requested whatever information the feds and police departments in Cleveland and Akron have on eight people, including Coleridge, involved in peace activities in Northeast Ohio.

Meanwhile, the Northeast Ohio Antiwar Coalition has announced a “Spy-In” to take place at 7:30 a.m. Monday in front of the Federal Building at 1240 E. 9th St. in Cleveland. Participants are encouraged to “spy back” at the feds, and come dressed in trenchcoats, sunglasses, etc.

— Michael Gill