No matter how many TPS reports your manager made you file today, no matter how many people cut you off on I-90, no matter how many dogs squatted on your tree lawn, this will make you smile.

Seems there's a student editor working for the Daily Kent Stater who has a powerful aversion to Å  bananas. For whatever reason, Ben Breier is totally creeped out by the bright yellow tube-fruit. At a recent editorial meeting, unbeknownst to Ben, everyone else showed up with bananas in their pockets. They waited patiently until a managing editor said the word "hippopotamus," the signal to start flinging the bananas at Ben.

The video of Ben's ultimate horror is now up on YouTube, under "Driving Ben Bananas." Added points for editing "Banana Phone" into the soundtrack, guys!

When a call was placed to the Stater, Ben was not available. However, Aman Ali, the paper's city editor, spoke up in support of his friend's phobia. "It's funny, but it's also a bit tragic," said Ali. "We actually found some articles on fears like this. This is real. I have a friend who's afraid of ketchup. It usually stems from some childhood trauma."

Ah, but now his tragedy is therapy for the rest of us. — James Renner

YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT PLAY

We don't know yet whether voters will approve taxing cigarettes to fund the arts, but last week Cuyahoga County commissioners issued one of those proclamations that makes liberal use of the word "whereas" to declare October 19 a Day of Free Theater in the County.

It's the kind of public investment that could not only help build the theater audience, but also build a customer base for some of the area's nonprofit theaters.

Organized locally by the Cleveland Theater Collective, participating theaters will offer free tickets to people who either haven't been to the theater ever (or at least in a long time), or theater patrons who want to try a theater they haven't attended ever (or at least in a long time).

According to actor and Cleveland Theater Collective Director Fred Gloor, the national audience development idea was started last year by the Theater Communications Group in New York, with theaters in New York, San Francisco, Philadelphia and Austin, Texas. This year Cleveland will be one of 15 participating metropolitan areas nationwide. Gloor says all the Cleveland Theater Collective members that have a production up and running that day will participate — likely about 15 of the group's 20 members. A list of participating companies and their shows will be finalized soon and available at clevelandtheater.com. Reservations will be taken starting in early October, exclusively online.

The commissioners got involved because the project is one of 17 supported by the county's Arts and Culture as Economic Development (ACE) program. Cleveland Theater Collective scored a $7,000 grant for the project and will spend the money on marketing. Because you can't give away very many theater tickets unless you tell a lot of people they're free. — Michael Gill

DO YOU FEEL SAFER YET?

Ted Schwarz, Free Times contributor, riles security at the Galleria:

"Saturday, the start of the Sparx in the City area-wide art show. I was standing on the second floor of the Galleria, photographing the action, when I was spotted by one of two armed security guards walking the food court. They watched me studying the people down below, apparently matching me to a terrorist profile. Then the larger of the two, a man easily double my size, rode up the elevator and sidled over to where I stood.

"What are you photographing?'

"The art show,' I said.

"That's okay. You point that camera up at the ceiling or at either of the back doors, I'm going to have to escort you out of here. You understand?'

"I'm only interested in the art show,' I said, returning to scanning the floor below through my lens.

The Dirty Harry Callahan wannabe stood watching me, seemingly trying to intimidate me by filling my space with his presence, then rode back downstairs, keeping a wary eye peeled in case I was pulling a fast one. Then he and his partner slowly walked past the Crooked River Book Store, blissfully unaware they were passing a volume called Cleveland's Downtown Architecture: The Images of America Series published by Arcadia. Inside were all the pictures they had warned me not to take."

chatter@freetimes.com