It was another boring weekend in the joint when a kid approached me with some white powder.

Cocaine was my drug of choice when I was running the streets. And just seeing some in this kid's hand, I immediately broke into a cold sweat. But I was two years into a long prison bit for a crime related to my abuse of cocaine. So I thought about it for a second, but declined his offer.

Ten minutes later a friend comes knocking on my cell door with a quarter-gram of coke. I think, This isn't happening, I'm dreaming. But by now the urge is getting the better of me. So I accept the invitation to party.

We snort the dope and immediately we're geeking — it's definitely good stuff. When it's gone I ask Harry where he scored the coke, and it's the same kid who approached me earlier.

At this point I'm hooked again. I want more coke, right now, so I walk over to the kid's cell. Tony is happy to see my glowing face. I tell him that I'm primed and ready to party, and he gives me $100 worth of coke on the agreement that I'll pay after I get a package of weed that I'm expecting the following week.

When that's settled I hurry back to my cell, where Harry is waiting impatiently. But the thing about buying drugs in prison is that it's a lot more expensive — $100 worth isn't much for two guys. Then, during our nose-powdering party, another friend, Moe, drifts in, and nice guy that I am, I offer him a few blows. Pretty soon we're out of dope again, so I high-tail it back to Tony's cell.

Tony knows my word is good, so he pretty much gives me what I want — another $400 worth. But money is the last thing on my mind. I rush back to my cell, and we party for 10 hours straight.

And when the coke is gone I still want more. I go back to Tony for the third time, but this time he says no, he won't give me any more on credit. For the next several hours I come down from the high and fight the jones. Eventually I fall asleep.

I wake up the next day feeling like shit. My head is throbbing, and I need a shower something awful. But almost immediately I start thinking about how stupid I had been. My only income is $18 per month. For anything else I have to rely on family and friends, and my occasional herb deliveries.

Around the time that I'm supposed to pay Tony, I find out that the package of herb I'd been expecting is going to be delayed. Now I'm really worried. My promise is all I have; in the joint, if people can't trust your word, it's like having the plague. I have to save face with Tony, and the only option left is to call my brother and ask him for the $500.

My brother was furious. He reminded me of the incident that landed me in prison, and the role drugs played in that. I felt lower that dirt. Finally he said he'd help me out, but if I ever asked him for money to pay for dope again, our relationship would be over.

When I got off the phone, I felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest.

Lidge is a Cleveland-area man serving a lengthy sentence in an Ohio prison for a violent crime.