In an emergency order last week, Gov. Ted Strickland ordered the Attorney General’s office to shut down video slot machines oper- ating in seedy bars and dirty plazas across Ohio. Grandpa and Grandma wondered, briefly, how they should spend the rest of their retirement cash, as they returned, blink- ing, into the outside world for the first time in several months.

Not to worry, old gambling addicts. The AG’s office was “late”to court, so one video “skill game” machine is still in business. Strangely, it’s the one that contributed money to Attorney General Marc Dann.

The still-legal game is called Tic Tac Fruit. It’s similar to tic-tac-toe, except it’s played with fruit pieces instead of X’s and O’s. You pay to play (bets ranging from 50 cents to several dollars per game) and when you win, the machine pays you back, most- ly pennies. But since players determine the outcome of the game (by selecting which square the “wild card”goes to), it is con- sidered a skill game, and not a slot machine. In design, it is similar to many of the machines banned by Strickland last week. So, what sets it apart from the others?

For one, they have a powerful consultant on their payroll: former FBI spokesman Bob Hawk. Secondly, the game’s two Manufacturers — Pace-O-Matic out of Georgia and Playtronics Games of Youngstown — each contributed $5,000 to Marc Dann’s inaugural events, according to an April Columbus Dispatchreport.

When Strickland’s order came down last week, lawyers for Tic Tac Fruit successful- ly won a restraining order, prohibiting any- one from removing their games in the state-wide bust. Marc Dann’s office — in charge of attorneys across the state and well-versed, presumably, in law — was too late filing an appeal, so the game stays.

“These games are clearly unfair, decep- tive, and represent the types of abusive consumer business practices which Ohio’s consumer laws were designed to combat,”said Marc Dann in a statement to the media. “We will continue to fight for the people of Ohio who have demon- strated time and time again their opposi- tion to gambling.”

We hope so, ’cause right now our bull- shit meter just hit 11. — James Renner

WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW CAN HURT YOU

Project Censored, Sonoma State University’s annual survey of un- and underreported news, has just been released. Here are some high- lights:

• The Military Commissions Act has been seen mostly as a method for dealing with Guantánamo Bay detainees, and most journalists have reported that it doesn’t have any impact on Americans. On Oct. 19, 2006, editors at the New York Times wrote, in quite definitive language, “this law does not apply to American citizens.”

Investigative journalist Robert Parry disagrees. The right of habeas corpus no longer exists for any ofus, he wrote in the online journal Consortium. Deep down in the lower sections of the act, the language shifts from the very specific “alien unlaw- ful enemy combatant”to the vague “any person subject to this chapter.”

“Why does it contain language referring to ‘any person’ and then adding in an adja- cent context a reference to people acting ‘in breach of allegiance or duty to the United States’?”Parry wrote. “Who has ‘an allegiance or duty to the United States’ ifnot an American citizen?”

• While the first blow to habeas corpus received some attention, there was almost no media coverage of a private Oval Office ceremony held the same day the military act was signed at which Bush signed the John Warner Defense Authorization Act, a $532 billion catch-all bill for defense spending.

Tucked away in the deeper recesses of that act, section 1076 allows the president to declare a public emergency and dispatch federal troops to take over National Guard units and local police ifhe determines them unfit for maintaining order. The Warner Act defines a public emergency as a “natu- ral disaster, epidemic, or other serious pub- lic health emergency, terrorist attack or incident, or other condition in any state or possession of the United States” and extends its provisions to any place where “the president determines that domestic violence has occurred to such an extent that the constituted authorities of the state or possession are incapable of maintaining public order.” On top of that, federal troops can be dispatched to “suppress, in a state, any insurrection, domestic violence, unlawful combination, or conspiracy.”

• In 1956, President Dwight D. Eisenhower ushered through legislation for the greatest public works project in human history — the interstate highway system, 41,000 miles of roads funded almost entirely by the federal government.

Fifty years later, many ofthose roads are in need of repair or replacement, but the federal government has not exactly risen to the challenge. Instead, more than 20 states have set up financial deals leasing the roads to private companies in exchange for repairs. These public-private partnerships are being lauded by politicians as the only credible financial solution to providing the public with improved services.

RUST BELT REPORT

Browns end preseason 3-1.

The next time you see that figure, it’ll be the turnover-to-touchdown ratio.

Greater Cleveland Partnership forms advisory committees to oversee MedMart and Convention Center projects.

Every resident to be issued a tube so that the smoke can more effectively be blown right up our asses.

First OSU game of the season can only be seen on satellite TV.

Cedar Point lobbies Ohio state senator to sponsor bill that would extend sum- mer vacation for public school kids.

Well, $50 admission tickets and $5 bot- tles of water do offer valuable lessons in economics.

Cleveland City Council president wants to eliminate four council seats.

Through the most ruthless game of musical chairs you’ve ever seen.

Port Authority unveils 25-year plan to stimulate Cuyahoga County economy.

Year One: Move Cuyahoga County to Arizona.

Akron socialite Cindy George remains free after Supreme Court decides not to review the murder case that landed her in prison.

Justices rejected the very notion of an “Akron socialite.”

Congressman Steve LaTourette says police departments should take advan- tage of free helicopters and armored cars given away by U.S. government.

Oh, so that’s why I found a parking ticket in a smoldering crater where my car used to be.

Ohio Attorney General Marc Dann says prison officials do not have to explain how they execute criminals.

Now they can just smile and say, “Very well.”

New Cuyahoga County elections board director hopes to be more trustworthy than predecessors.

Hell, she could drool on the podium at a press conference and still be hailed as a savior.

First $100 fines issued to Ohio bar patrons caught smoking.

And yet douchebags who mix Strongbow and Guinness continue to walk free.

Anti-war protestors wrongfully arrested at Kent State in 2003 share $65,000 settlement.

Four paid in O-hi-o.