You might think that Gov. Ted Strickland's recently announced plan to deal with a projected state budget shortfall by cutting $733 million from the 2008-09 budget would create some challenges. You might be especially curious about how the promise to "create schools that work for every child" might fare in the face of said cuts, especially when the state's Department of Education is slated to suffer the worst cuts ($101 million over the two years), followed by none other than the Ohio Board of Regents, the group that funds Ohio's colleges and universities ($90 million over two years).

Combined, education and higher education account for 49 percent of the state's budget.

Strickland spokesperson Keith Dailey insists that the state DOE can save its share through bureaucratic maneuvers without having an impact on funding to local school districts - in fact while still preserving a promised 3-percent increase in so-called "foundation formula" spending, which determines state funding on a per-pupil basis. All that makes us marvel at what a towering bureaucracy state DOE must be if it can sustain $101 million in cuts without impacting the amount of money spent on the kids and their textbooks.

Dailey says that the $90 million in savings on the Board of Regents' part will come largely from hanging onto its money longer so that the state collects the interest while it sits in the bank, rather than letting the schools and scholarship holders do so.

No matter how palatably mysterious all this is made to sound, we can't help but marvel at the fact that the state Department of Transportation - the highway people - will have to shave less than $5 million from their ledgers. Apparently there won't be much cutting back on concrete in the next biennial. - Michael Gill

CLEVELAND BARACKS

As Ohio goes, so goes the nation, it's been said. Sixteen Cuyahoga County Democratic groups joined forces to host a straw-poll forum at Lakewood's Masonic Temple last Thursday to try to get some idea of which way Ohio's going in the presidential primary.

More than 100 politically engaged voters drank coffee, ate cookies, warded off marauding mobs of judicial candidates and cast ballots for Barack Obama, "Hilary" Clinton (call a proofreader!), the recently departed (from the campaign) John Edwards - or someone else.

Also working the crowd were all but one of the five candidates vying for the 10th District congressional seat. Rosemary Palmer, Barbara Anne Ferris and the incumbent Dennis Kucinich all passed out flyers and chatted with people as they came in, and Joe Cimperman arrived later. Prior to the presentations from the designated Clinton and Obama speakers, Kucinich told the crowd, "I've campaigned alongside Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. Both are worthy candidates and both are ready to serve," clearly indicating he doesn't expect those who supported his own recently ended presidential campaign to sit home and pout.

State Sen. Dale Miller spoke on Clinton's behalf, noting first that he would enthusiastically campaign for whoever got the nomination, then keying in on his candidate's stances on issues of local interest, such as the foreclosure crisis. Lakewood Mayor Ed Fitzgerald spoke for Obama, remarking that prior to Obama's emergence, his own political heroes - Robert and John Kennedy - were dead before he was born, and expressing his excitement at having such an inspirational figure now. He too said that it was important to work to elect whichever candidate was anointed.

Finally, the vote was tallied by a "neutral, non-partisan" representative from the League of Women Voters. The end result: one vote apiece for Mike Gravel (yes, he's still in the campaign) and Joe Biden, two for Kucinich, seven diehards for Edwards, 34 for Clinton and 73 for Obama. - Anastasia Pantsios

GUESS WHO'S COMING TO DINNER

Last week, in an effort to draw attention to the stench and squalor emanating from some of the city's shelters, the Northeast Ohio Coalition for the Homeless invited Cleveland Council members to spend a night in their friendly, neighborhood homeless warehouse. The response has been lackluster thus far.

"Nobody has actually signed on to do it yet," reports NEOCH Director Brian Davis, "but [Councilman Kevin] Conwell said, "I'm not afraid of sleeping in a shelter. No problem. Schedule it, and I'll be there.'"

Joe Cimperman, the downtown councilman and a Democratic contender for Dennis Kucinich's seat in the US House, is meeting this week with the city's Homeless Congress to discuss a shelter standards law, which Davis says Cimperman is expected to introduce soon to a full Council. The congress worked for four months to get their standards plan noticed, but it hasn't had any success until recent weeks.

Currently, shelters are held to no formal protocol of operation, Davis says. The new law would set rules for upkeep, as well as establish county and/or city oversight, with an office set up to inspect and report on deficiencies, as well as to field complaints - something lacking in the current system, Davis says, even though the county happens to maintain an Office of Homeless Services. Wonder what they do.

"We've said we're willing to compromise," Davis says. "This is just a dream list. This is what we say would be best for homeless people in the community."

He adds, "The shelters won't like it. They're pretty much on their own now."

Currently, the state has a list of recommendations for shelters to follow, but no penalty for turning a blind eye. The congress meets next at 1 p.m. Thursday, Feb. 7 at Bishop Cosgrove Center (1736 Superior Ave.). See if your ward leader shows up. - Dan Harkins

ASK A BASTARD

Dear Bastard: My girlfriend of about three months has made it clear what she expects for Valentine's Day: an expensive evening out (dinner, show, etc.) and a gift equal or greater in value to what I gave her for Christmas (which was generous, considering the shortness of our relationship). I like her a lot, she's definitely the kind of woman I could see myself marrying, but this business about her expectations is really bothering me.

Dear Sugar Daddy: Do I understand this correctly - she essentially told you how much to spend on her? You could see yourself marrying someone you've known for three months and who tells you what to spend on her? How fucking desperate were you when you started seeing her? You had to be putting something out there that she saw coming a mile off. This is not the kind of person with whom you will find lasting happiness and sustaining companionship. This is the kind of person whose crotch dries up on you if you lose your job. But if this business of her expectations merely "bothers" you instead of massively alarming you, causes you to take the time to write me a letter instead of immediately fleeing from said relationship, this may well be the type of fem-dom you'll end up leashed to anyway, so it might just as well be this dinner-whore, you poor dumb chump.

Dear Bastard: Why are you such a bastard? Did your mother hate you or something? Did you get beaten up a lot as a kid?

Dear Dull-witted Shitstain: Those were the only reasons you could think up, Dr. Spock? Forthrightness is presumed to be a pathological response to a childhood trauma? Why does it have to be something that's wrong with me? Seriously? We live in a world full of half-asleep automata who embrace every demonstrably stupid and destructive idea that comes down the road, but there's something wrong with the people who say "that's dumb"? Are you thinking about what you're assuming? Really, think about your own question, and focus on its meager subtextual content, not just its profound uncleverness. As for my mom, she's really nice, actually. She doesn't know where I get it, either. I'll send her your regards, though.