I have been pleasantly surprised as to how my aging and newfound maturity has affected for the better my interaction with my colleagues and co-workers. As I get older I have a heightened appreciation of the Golden Rule and the eternal verities of life. I now see the beauty of simple pleasures: a crisp apple, a cool glass of water, a refreshing enema.

I also see the profound truths in the old maxims and proverbs I used to dismiss as "square" or "strictly from Nowheresville." Indeed, I find myself using many of them for situations that arise in the office.

For example, if a colleague asks to borrow a dollar, I present him or her with a penny and say, "Here is one penny. Come back tomorrow and I will give you another. The day after tomorrow I will give you another. In 98 days, you'll have your dollar. Because ..." And my colleague will invariably finish the sentence: "Because a penny saved is a penny earned," throw the penny in my face and walk away. I will call after the person, "What you have learned is worth more than any dollar. It is priceless," and re-pocket my penny. In my younger days, I used to loan money freely. This is much better.

When a young colleague starts to complain about work, I will remain silent for a moment, then remark, "A fool expects to find water at the first stroke of his spade." In most cases, my colleague, in youthful ignorance, will ask, "What does that mean?" I'll reply, "It means a coconut shell full of water is an ocean to an ant." While these young people may not fully comprehend what I'm talking about right now - the last person I told the ant-in-the-coconut-shell proverb told me I ought to be "put in a hamster cage" - the wisdom of these words will become apparent to them soon enough.

What these people don't realize is that these proverbs have lasted hundreds of years for a reason. While one may not immediately glean the meaning of old proverbs such as "A barber learns to shave by shaving fools" or "A fence lasts three years, a dog lasts three fences, a horse three dogs, and a man three horses," they become crystal clear as you get older. I know that every time I pass a fence, I think, "A dog lasts three of these." This kind of knowledge can come only from life experience.

As I continue to mature and accumulate wisdom, I have begun to devise my own proverbs, ones more apropos to today's world (and thus more accessible to my co-workers).

Personal grooming: When co-workers remark to me that I "smell like crap" because I no longer believe in wearing unnatural deodorant products, I reply: If the Almighty had wanted us to use deodorants, he would have provided us Speed Sticks in our mother's wombs.

Going to rock concerts: When co-workers ask me if I'm going to attend a particular rock concert, I reply: A gopher wearing a wig and playing an amplified guitar is still but a gopher.

Watching television: When co-workers ask if I watched something on television, I reply: Television shows prepare you for nothing but the next television show. Better to enjoy a crisp apple, a cool glass of water and a refreshing enema.

Food: When co-workers ask me why I don't salt my fries, I reply: Salt is the toenail clippings of the devil preserved in a shoebox of corruption.

Clothing: When co-workers tell me that the colors of my shirt and trousers clash, I reply: Only a fool tells a brown bear wearing blue underpants that his colors clash.

Work: When co-workers ask me to pull my weight in the office, I reply: It's far more productive for the older workers in the office to make up proverbs than to work.